A Curious Kind of Goodbye
by katlou303
Summary: A quick little oneshot, for SomebodyLost. Sakura says goodbye to her loved ones and overcomes some personal struggles. Part of the A Curious Kind of Atonement series.


"Everything's been weird lately." Naruto commented, his chopsticks loose in his hand. He heaved a great big sigh. Sakura frowned, thinking how unusual this behaviour was for the number one hyperactive ninja in the village. What could dent the perpetual happiness Naruto seemed to feel?

"Like what?" Sakura asked, waiting until she had finished speaking before eating a mouthful of ramen. She had manners, unlike Naruto.

"Well, Sasuke's been acting like me getting stronger is a bad thing and Kakashi-sensei stopped being late for stuff and you've been the weirdest, you've been really quiet lately, like you're sad and I don't know what's wrong with any of you so I don't know how to fix it!" Naruto said in one breath, his words speeding up and blending together by the end of the sentence.

Sakura felt her eyebrows rise, "Wow, take a breath Naruto! You wouldn't wanna suffocate and leave that bowl untouched before your death, right?" She nodded at his ramen.

He gasped, "You're right, Sakura-chan!" He started shovelling his food into his mouth hastily, sauce splattering everywhere.

Sakura sighed, raising a napkin. Naruto took it without looking and wiped his face, not pausing in his ramen massacre.

"…You know you don't have to save everyone, right?" Sakura said gently.

Naruto looked up, dribbling noodles, "Huh? Save who?"

"You're so concerned with everyone else… you always want to fix the problems you come across, make everyone happy, but that's not possible. Who knows what makes Sasuke-kun happy? I don't. You can't change his nature. He'll always want to beat you, and he'll always be angry if he can't. Kakashi-sensei shouldn't be late all the time anyway. And me, I'm fine. You shouldn't worry about me, Naruto."

Naruto stared at her, a frown crinkling his forehead. He put his chopsticks and pushed his stool back.

He suddenly surged forward, glaring fiercely, "Sakura-chan, if there's anything bothering you, it's my business to know! I can't ignore it when people need my help, not when I'm gonna be Hokage someday! It's my dream to be the person everyone comes to for help one day!"

Sakura thought of Inari, the little grieving boy from the Land of Waves, and how he came to idolise Naruto. The broken, buckled island with its frightened, abused people, that Naruto saved. The bridge with his name on it. Hinata, the shy, frightened girl, who took a beating and kept standing up thanks to her admiration of Naruto. Neji, the proud, vengeful Hyuuga, whose whole outlook on life was changed by Naruto. The Hyuuga clan that Naruto promised to change. She thought of Gaara, the murderous, evil monster that Naruto befriended.

She gazed at Naruto, his tanned face determined, and briefly envisioned him in Kage robes.

It fit.

"You are going to be the best Hokage ever, Naruto." Sakura told him seriously.

Naruto looked stunned. After a beat he grinned widely and slammed a fist on the table, the bowls clinking together, "You mean it?! Thanks, Sakura-chan!"

"And I'm going to be the best ninja I can be." Sakura vowed, offering Naruto a grin of her own.

Naruto held out his hand, "It's a promise."

Sakura took it. What she liked about Naruto was that he believed that everyone could achieve their dream, he never laughed at anyone's goals or tried to discourage anyone. When she said she was going to be the best she could be, he believed her.

_I'm going to miss you so much,_ she thought, and shook his hand.

xxxxxxxx

Sakura really envied Team 10. Maybe it was because of their fathers' previous relationships with each other, maybe it was because they balanced each other out, but they had flawless teamwork and very close friendships together.

Team 7 had always been the team of misfits. They didn't fit together one little bit. Kakashi's casual attitude grated on Sakura's need for routine, Sasuke's cool competence was a source of resentment and humiliation for Naruto and Sakura's affection for Sasuke made him irritated.

Shikamaru lay on the grass, a piece of wheat dangling from his mouth. His eyes were closed.

Chouji sat close to him, munching happily on some salted snacks. Every now and then he would offer them around and Shikamaru would take one whilst Ino would act mortally offended he could present her with calories.

Ino stood next to Chouji, fixing her hair into the little bun she still wasn't used to after her unexpected haircut. She had a look of intense concentration on her face.

Sakura walked up to them, a little hesitant to break their peaceful afternoon with her presence.

"Hi." She said, smiling nervously, shifting on her feet.

Ino fixed her with one pale eye, her fringe covering the other. She snorted, "Forehead. Didn't see you there."

Sakura gave her a strained smile. Shikamaru took the wheat out of his mouth without opening his eyes and twirled it slowly between his fingers. "Yo, Sakura."

"Hello, want some?" Chouji offered her the snacks eagerly.

Knowing how his generous nature clashed with his possessive love of food, Sakura tried to take the diplomatic course, "Uh, that's OK, Chouji, they look delicious but I'm saving myself for dinner."

Chouji nodded sympathetically, "Oh, I see."

"Can I talk to you, Ino?" Sakura turned to the other girl, expression beseeching.

Ino paused, eyes narrowing suspiciously, "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Sakura said hastily, "I just wanna talk."

Ino raised one eyebrow disbelievingly, but allowed her hair to fall down out of her hands and walked up to Sakura, "Don't let him fall asleep again, Chouji, he'll burn in the sun." She instructed over her shoulder.

She and Sakura took a walk down the street.

"We used to be really good friends," Sakura said lightly as they walked over a wooden bridge. They stopped to look out at the glittering water, "I still regret how things turned out."

"Well, you made your choice." Ino stared at the water, hard, ignoring Sakura's attempts to catch her eye.

"I shouldn't have. I should never have picked a guy –"

"You're just saying that because you know you'll never get him." Ino interrupted, scowling.

"Ha, maybe. Maybe it'd be different if he'd turned out the way I'd hoped. But he turned out to be a lot more complicated than I thought and… I can see he'll never think of me like I want him to. I wasted a lot of time trying to make him look at me. I even grew my stupid hair out, for all the good it did me. But here's the thing… it wasn't even about Sasuke-kun. It was about you. You were better at me at everything. Smart, witty, beautiful, popular… everything a dull mouse like me could only dream of. When I found out you liked Sasuke-kun too, I realised I wanted to beat you at something. If I could get Sasuke-kun and beat you at the same time, well… two birds with one stone. How sad is that? Such an ugly dream. I really do regret it all. Despite everything, you still turned out to be a great friend. You protected me in the Forest of Death when you didn't have to. You were gonna go easy on me in the Chuunin exam. I still feel like if I needed you, you'd be there. I don't deserve you, Ino. You are my best friend."

Ino was silent for a long time. She had listened quietly, not like Sakura had expected. She never laughed or sneered. She looked thoughtful.

"You really are weird, Forehead Girl," She said eventually, yawning, "Of course I'm your best friend. Who else would you have? Ugh, Naruto? And Sasuke-kun can't stand you. By the way – all of that drama was years ago. Get over it." Despite her harsh words, she turned to Sakura and smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear, "I already have. The way you are now… you might have blossomed without me noticing."

Sakura felt tears come to her eyes and tipped her head back, blinking rapidly, "Thank you. But I haven't blossomed just yet. I'm working on it."

_How am I going to leave my best friend?_

xxxxxxxx

"Oh, Sakura!"

She turned around at the sound of her name.

Iruka raised a hand, holding up several shopping bags at once, "Hi there! Would you mind helping me out with these?"

Sakura smiled, taking three of his bags and lifting them, feeling the plastic cut into her fingers, "No problem, sensei. Is this your dinner?"

"Some of it, yes," He said earnestly as they began to walk towards his house, "But I like to stock up every week. You never know what you'll need. Sometimes I need to buy stuff for my classes, but I guess you know that."

"Your classes were the best," Sakura said sincerely, watching his face redden at the praise, "I learned a lot from you."

"…Well, um, thanks. It's always nice to hear that from a student. Especially since I've been having some trouble lately. Kids these days seem so detached from lessons, staring out of the window, talking to each other… It's like they don't even care." Iruka seemed to droop in dejection.

"Make them care," Sakura urged, swinging the bags with every step, "If your classes seem to be boring them, liven them up with tales of your own personal experience in the field. If you don't mind me saying, your classes always followed a distinctive pattern. You need to keep them guessing. It's important they find lessons interesting, Iruka-sensei. They're going to be the next generation of shinobi, after all, and this is the most practice they'll get before they start getting missions."

Iruka had been nodding along with her speech until the end, where he looked a little wounded, "Did you feel unprepared for the field when you became a genin? I gave Kakashi-san my blessing, but if you –"

"I didn't have much faith in my abilities, I guess. But I felt like I could do it, with my team's help. Especially Naruto. He's very good at motivating."

Iruka beamed at that, "I've noticed. He gives great speeches, doesn't he? I can't wait for the day they announce he'll be the next Hokage!"

"You believe in him as much as I do," Sakura noted, pleased, "I think we might be the only ones."

"That'll change," Iruka winked, "Give him some time. He's already achieved great things. I'm looking forward to watching him grow."

"You will look out for him, right? He lives on his own and he doesn't have any relatives…"

"I'm his family," Iruka said firmly. He looked mildly surprised at his own words, "That felt right to say," He smiled, "I wish it were true."

"It is," Sakura assured him, "Naruto has nothing but good things to say about you. He definitely thinks of you as his family. Take care of him, OK?"

"I will. Do you mind if I ask the same of you?"

Sakura faltered. She mustered up a weak smile, "Of course."

_I hate to leave everyone behind._

xxxxxxxx

"Pass me the butter." Her mother said, concentrating on stirring the mashed potato.

Sakura did as she was asked, watching her mother at work, drinking in every detail. Her mother had careful hands, the skin unmarred by scars, unlike her daughter's. She stirred the wooden spoon around the pot, muscles straining against the pressure. She had faint lines on her face; you could hardly call them wrinkles. They showed up the most when she smiled. She was rather short in stature, and a little thick around the waist.

Who knew how long it would be before Sakura would see her again? Years, maybe? Those lines on her face might deepen in worry, the weight around her waist disappearing from lost appetite. Sakura was her only daughter. The only other relative she had was her own mother and who knew how long she had left to live? Sakura's greatest worry was that her mother would end up alone.

The sky outside was dark, midnight blue tempered with bright stars, twisted constellations visible even from inside their little kitchen.

"Mum?" Sakura said, chopping onions expertly, "When I move out, will you be OK on your own?"

"I won't be alone, I'll have your grandmother." She replied absently, pouring the melted butter into the pot and mixing it into the potato.

"But… but after she's –"

"I don't want to talk about that," Her mother said sharply, "We deal with it after it happens. She's no spring chicken, I know, but she certainly wouldn't be happy to hear you making plans for after she's gone."

"…I just want you to be happy, Mum."

"I am happy. I'm happy my daughter grew into such a fine young woman. You've made me very proud. That's all I need to be happy, the knowledge that I made a very good job of bringing you up. That's what will keep me going, even when I'm here alone. Well, that and the beautiful grandchildren you'll give me. Whether they're little Uchihas or not." Her mother's smile grew conspiratorial and Sakura nudged her, laughing.

"Mum! I am not going to have kids with Sasuke-kun!"

"What? But that's always been your dream, you told me –"

"Not anymore. I'm going to work hard at my job and become really strong." Sakura said firmly.

Her mother gazed at her, her hands idle for once. "Well. That's not a bad goal at all. But don't forget about your friends and family. Strength will only get you so far, after all."

"I won't. I really feel like I'm holding the team back. If I get stronger, I can help them more. We'll be a better team for sure. I don't ever want to be a burden ever again."

"Sometimes, Sakura," Her mother shook her head, "You don't sound twelve at all."

_I don't know how to say goodbye to you._

xxxxxxxx

"You understand the consequences of your decision?" The man at the desk said, peering down at her, holding her papers in his hand. She'd filled out the forms at night in her room as she wrote a goodbye letter to her family.

"Yes." Sakura said evenly, hands trembling.

"Then all I need is your hitae-ate, and you will no longer be a shinobi of Konoha. Should you wish to leave your early retirement, you will have to wait a six-week period before being reinstated, and you will have to appeal for your genin status to be restored."

Sakura struggled to untie her headband, feeling her heart speed up and her breathing quicken. This was it. The last step. To give up now would render all of her new convictions pointless and she would end up achieving nothing, but to change her mind later would mean returning to Konoha and having to start all over again. Fresh humiliation for her already extremely battered ego.

She finally untied the knot and held the headband out, trying not to look at the Konoha insignia etched onto the gleaming metal. She polished that metal every day, out of pride at being a shinobi of Konoha.

The man took the headband, examined it and then placed it in a box with her files.

"Goodbye." He said with an easy smile.

She mouthed 'bye,' not feeling up to talking, and left.

She was abandoning her home for a man she knew nothing about. All for the sake of getting stronger. She felt stricken, selfish and cruel. Naruto had shaken hands with her, expecting her to show up for training the next week. Ino had finally forgiven her, not understanding where this sudden decision to make up had come from. Iruka had accepted her wish for him to look after Naruto, and had asked the same of her, having no idea she was leaving. Her mother had spoken of the future with her, of the pride she felt for her daughter, without knowing she was going to be left by that same daughter the very next day.

How could she ever face them again? She had entertained ideas of being amazingly strong, of making everyone change their minds about her, but wouldn't they hate her for what she had already done, regardless of her new strength?

But even as she began to doubt, she was filled with certainty – _this is something I need to do._

She never wanted to feel helpless again. She wanted the power to protect her friends and family. She wanted to feel proud of herself.

_At least I have a home to come back to._

xxxxxxxx

Her sensei waited at the border. She took one last look at Konoha, and savoured the sight.

I will definitely come back stronger, she vowed. To fulfil my promise to Naruto. To be able to protect Ino and Iruka. To make my mother even prouder of me.

To prove Sasuke wrong and to show Kakashi what a real sensei can do.

_I'm going to be the best ninja I can be._

* * *

Just a quick little oneshot, because SomebodyLost gave me some much needed inspiration :)

This just shows everything Sakura is giving up for Itachi.

Let's hope it all works out!

**Quick poll for fun: **I need a great Japanese name for a girl. It can mean anything, just pick your favourite :) I'd love to hear your suggestions.


End file.
